Well, I've never been diagnosed with any specific mental condition; whether or not I would be if I went to talk to a doctor on the subject is another matter entirely. (Though given that I've learned to cope in various ways, I suspect that attempting some sort of diagnosis now would be rather more difficult.)
Insensitivity is something I generally accept and happily ignore if I can see that there's no malice or hostility behind it; I certainly don't recall you ever being anything other than lovely and friendly. Feel free to speak plainly to me whenever you feel the need. :-)
(Indeed, when I was less socially skilled than I am now, direct, clear explanations of why and how I've made a faux pas were welcome -- they gave me clear, unambiguous feedback of how and where I've made an error, and told me how I could do better next time.)
But I didn't know that someone had been cross at you because of your actions towards me. I don't like the thought of that, though I could understand it and -- and even sympathise with it a little -- if it was a mutual friend acting out of concern for my well-being.
One of the things that surprised me when I was growing up was that I was simultaneously very introverted and a highly-social person. That is, while I found it draining to go out and adventurously talk to people I didn't know -- projecting, as best I could, a socially-adept high-functioning persona for this time -- I likewise very much depended on the company of others for my continued well-being.
The key trick (which I've repeated more than a few times, now) was to find some really good people to be really close friends with -- so that I could spend time with them without having to maintain that difficult-to-sustain extroverted persona. (I only have so many pretend-to-be-an-extrovert points, and depending on the circumstances, they can be consumed extremely quickly.)
Fortunately, while I was often inelegant when interacting with people, it was generally clear to most that, even though I wasn't particularly empathic -- that is, I was poor at perceiving or understanding the mental state of others -- I was incredibly sympathetic -- I seem to be highly sensitive to the pain or discomfort (or joy!) of others. Much like my sensitivity to light or sound, I suppose.
(Or, with fewer words: while I was rather oblivious most of the time, I was lovely, so tended to do okay.)
As for whether it's reasonable to be expected to treat someone who's not neurotypical differently.. I'm not sure. Having been made aware of another person's cognitive biases, it is often helpful -- nay, even productive! -- to take reasonable steps to account for them.
But then, I'm quite a sympathetic person and, generalising, sympathetic people made aware of another people's cognitive biases often update their behaviour automatically as a matter of course; to willfully do otherwise would be contrary to their nature. I can certainly accept that other people may well feel differently.
As a complete aside, it's delightful to hear from you! When I've got my thesis submitted and out of the way, and I have some free time again (eek, 9 days to go..) we should see if there's scope for catching up sometime?
no subject
Insensitivity is something I generally accept and happily ignore if I can see that there's no malice or hostility behind it; I certainly don't recall you ever being anything other than lovely and friendly. Feel free to speak plainly to me whenever you feel the need. :-)
(Indeed, when I was less socially skilled than I am now, direct, clear explanations of why and how I've made a faux pas were welcome -- they gave me clear, unambiguous feedback of how and where I've made an error, and told me how I could do better next time.)
But I didn't know that someone had been cross at you because of your actions towards me. I don't like the thought of that, though I could understand it and -- and even sympathise with it a little -- if it was a mutual friend acting out of concern for my well-being.
One of the things that surprised me when I was growing up was that I was simultaneously very introverted and a highly-social person. That is, while I found it draining to go out and adventurously talk to people I didn't know -- projecting, as best I could, a socially-adept high-functioning persona for this time -- I likewise very much depended on the company of others for my continued well-being.
The key trick (which I've repeated more than a few times, now) was to find some really good people to be really close friends with -- so that I could spend time with them without having to maintain that difficult-to-sustain extroverted persona. (I only have so many pretend-to-be-an-extrovert points, and depending on the circumstances, they can be consumed extremely quickly.)
Fortunately, while I was often inelegant when interacting with people, it was generally clear to most that, even though I wasn't particularly empathic -- that is, I was poor at perceiving or understanding the mental state of others -- I was incredibly sympathetic -- I seem to be highly sensitive to the pain or discomfort (or joy!) of others. Much like my sensitivity to light or sound, I suppose.
(Or, with fewer words: while I was rather oblivious most of the time, I was lovely, so tended to do okay.)
As for whether it's reasonable to be expected to treat someone who's not neurotypical differently.. I'm not sure. Having been made aware of another person's cognitive biases, it is often helpful -- nay, even productive! -- to take reasonable steps to account for them.
But then, I'm quite a sympathetic person and, generalising, sympathetic people made aware of another people's cognitive biases often update their behaviour automatically as a matter of course; to willfully do otherwise would be contrary to their nature. I can certainly accept that other people may well feel differently.
As a complete aside, it's delightful to hear from you! When I've got my thesis submitted and out of the way, and I have some free time again (eek, 9 days to go..) we should see if there's scope for catching up sometime?