Things I Am Not Allowed To Do While Learning To Drive

[delta_mike]

• Do my impersonation of "Q" and 007 discussing ejector seats while the instructor is in the car within earshot.
• Have a bumper sticker on the back of the car that reads,
  

      The Car In Front Is A
      Crumple Zone
  

  
  
• Have any music playing in the vehicle, including but not limited to:
  • "Back to the Future"
  • "The Race" by Yello
  • "I'm Not Driving Anymore" by Rob Dougan
  • Anything from the Jason Bourne films.
• Wear my navy jumper with epaulettes in an effort to intimidate the other drivers.
• Start discussing advisory locking, critical sections and race hazards whilst proceeding through junctions at speed.
• Discuss interesting consequences of Newtonian physics of any kind.
• Leave an upside-down blue pint-glass conspicuously on the dashboard.
• Keep cannisters of caltrops in the glove-compartment.
• Install radar emitters configured to generate continuous pulses to screw up speed guns.

(No, I'm not currently learning to drive.)