Things I Am Not Allowed To Do While Learning To Drive

[delta_mike]

• Do my impersonation of "Q" and 007 discussing ejector seats while the instructor is in the car within earshot.
• Have a bumper sticker on the back of the car that reads,
  

      The Car In Front Is A
      Crumple Zone
  

  
  
• Have any music playing in the vehicle, including but not limited to:
  • "Back to the Future"
  • "The Race" by Yello
  • "I'm Not Driving Anymore" by Rob Dougan
  • Anything from the Jason Bourne films.
• Wear my navy jumper with epaulettes in an effort to intimidate the other drivers.
• Start discussing advisory locking, critical sections and race hazards whilst proceeding through junctions at speed.
• Discuss interesting consequences of Newtonian physics of any kind.
• Leave an upside-down blue pint-glass conspicuously on the dashboard.
• Keep cannisters of caltrops in the glove-compartment.
• Install radar emitters configured to generate continuous pulses to screw up speed guns.

(No, I'm not currently learning to drive.)

Comments

[purplecthulhu.livejournal.com]

I've always thought there was a role for window in playing with speed guns...

[casparrrrgh.livejournal.com]

Seconded.

[pewterfish.livejournal.com]

In other news, even in heavy traffic, it's amazing how cars will scramble to get out of the way if you hold to the exact speed limit.

If, that is, you're two fairly official looking guys in shirt-and-tie, with sunglasses, blitzing down the motorway in a shiny blue Fiesta at 8AM.

(We were going to a conference. What?)

[misscathryn.livejournal.com]

My driving instructor said i drive like a frustrated F1 driver, moral of the story is... not everything needs all my enthusiasm and zealotry.

[pewterfish.livejournal.com]

This is plainly a lie

[palfrey.livejournal.com]

*grins*

[plv.livejournal.com]

I love Rob Dougan.

You should probably include the excellent 'speed me towards death' by him as well!

My driving instructor thought it was hilarious to play the thunderbirds theme tune as I was driving...

It wasn't.